问题标题:
大家看看我这偏雅思大作文可以拿几分?要按雅思的评分标准来的啊要求是:Theunlimiteduseofcarsmaycausemanyproblems.Whataretheseproblems?Inordertoreducetheproblems,shouldwediscouragepeoplefromusingca
问题描述:

大家看看我这偏雅思大作文可以拿几分?

要按雅思的评分标准来的啊

要求是:Theunlimiteduseofcarsmaycausemanyproblems.Whataretheseproblems?Inordertoreducetheproblems,shouldwediscouragepeoplefromusingcars?

Givereasonsforyouranswerandincludeanyrelevantexamplesfromyourownknowledgeorexperience.

我的文章如下:Usingcarsisinevitableinourlives.Itisconvenienttotakeyoutoeverywhere,nottomention,usingitgotowork.However,wemustdealwithsomeseriousproblemswiththedevelopmentofusingcars.Theairpollutionisseriousinsomeinternationalcities,suchasTokyo,NewYorkandShanghai.Theexhuastgasfromcarsmaketheairworseandworse.Inmyopinion,thegovernmentshouldrestrictusingcarsandinvocatetogotoworkbybusortube.Itisagoodwaytoprotecttheenvironment.Gulangyu,asmallislandinXiamen,Iwenttotherelastsummer.Thegovernmentdowellintheenvironment.Youcan'tseeanycarsorbusesinthissamllisland.Thegovernmentlessenthedegreeoftheairpollution.Tomymind,wemustlearnittoimporve.Beyondthat,usingcarscancausethetrafficjams.Exampleisintheperiodofcommuting,wecanseeitiscrowdinginsomecross-road.Inthiscase,frommypointofview,wecangotoworkbybikeinsteadofcars.Itcankeepusfitwellanditcansavetime.What'smore,itsavetheresourcesandprotecttheenvironment.

Speakingofthis,maybesomeonesayweshouldgiveupusingcars.Furthermore,Idon'tagreewiththisarguement.Sometimes,usingcarscangiveusmanyconvenience.Forinstance,ifsomeonehavesomethingergenttodo,heshouldownaprivatecar.Itcanhelphimtoeverywhere.Apartfromthat,nowadaysmanypeopleworkatmakingcars,dirvingcarsorfillingupgas.EspeciallyinUSA,oneoutofsixpeopleworkaboutcars.

Inconclusion,usingcarshavebothadvantagesanddisadvantages.Furthermore,wecan'tdiscourageit.Anyway,therearemuchproblems.Weshoulddoourbesttochangeit.

大家给我评个分,顺便点评一下好了

三楼给出我大概可以拿几分?谢谢

曹怀虎回答:
  5.5到6   结构太乱,如果说没有很好的驾驭能力,建议还是开头给出观点,后两段详述论点会清晰的多,现在看蛮乱的,雅思框架上要求很高的.   语言一般,有长难句,但是词汇变换不多.   语法错误也蛮多的.   不晓得那个7.5是怎么打出来的...汗
查看更多
作文推荐
热门作文推荐