这是雅思大作文,求专家指导一下,最好有个估分,作文想拿6分的烤鸭……＞_＜Nowadys,parentsarefacinganissuethatisshouldtheirchildrenattendingschoolatayoungage.Personally,childrenneedtoplayatayoungageins|小学作文问答-字典翻译问答网

问题标题：

这是雅思大作文,求专家指导一下,最好有个估分,作文想拿6分的烤鸭……＞_＜Nowadys,parentsarefacinganissuethatisshouldtheirchildrenattendingschoolatayoungage.Personally,childrenneedtoplayatayoungageins

问题描述：

这是雅思大作文,求专家指导一下,最好有个估分,作文想拿6分的烤鸭……＞_＜

Nowadys,parentsarefacinganissuethatisshouldtheirchildrenattendingschoolatayoungage.Personally,childrenneedtoplayatayoungageinsteadofstudying.

Admittedly,thosewhoattendschoolearlystudentssaveamassivetimecomparewiththesameage.Theyhavetheadvantageinthebeginingofstudying,whichtheycancalculatemathwhileotherscannot.Moreover,theirparentswillbemorecinfidentwhentalkingtotheirkids.

However,there'smogardenwithoutweeds.studentswhoareplayingatanearlyagealsohavemerits.Accordingtoasciencereport,thosewhoplayoftenatayoungagearemorelikelytobesuccessfulinthefuture.Forexample,theycanlearnalotthroughvariouskindsofsportssuchasfootball.Futhermore,thestudentswhoareattendingschoolearlymayhassideeffecttotheirgrowth.Forinstance,theymaygethumiliatedbytheolderstudentsforthereasonofsmallbodyfigure.

Frommyperspective,childrenarenotsupposedtosendtoschoolatayoungage.Ontheonehand,playisnecessaryforachildaccordingtothesurvey.Ontheotherhand,ifstudentsstudyatayoungage,theywouldbeintimatedbytheolderstudents,whichcouldcausedevastatingresultstotheirmind.

Inconclusion,childrenparentsshouln'tsendtheirkidstoschoolatanearlyage.

蒋秀明回答：

　　字数可不够啊!230words要扣分的!由于没有题目,无法准确判断是否切题. 　　不得不以语言和逻辑为主进行一定的修改(用心比对差异即可进步)：　　原句：parentsarefacinganissuethatisshouldtheirchildrenattendingschoolatayoungage. 　　修改：parentsarefacinganissueaboutwhethertheirchildrenshouldattendschool... 　　原句：thosewhoattendschoolearlystudentssaveamassivetimecomparewiththesame 　　修改:comparedwithotherstudents,thosewhoattendschoolearlycouldsaveamassive... 　　Moreover,theirparentswillbemoreconfidentwhentalkingtotheirkids.这句话虽然语言没有大的问题,但是由于文化差异,鬼佬考官很可能十分困惑,从而影响该句子作为论述的分数.鬼佬的家长不好面子,我家孩子怎么怎么牛. 　　studentswhoareplayingatanearlyagealsohavemerits.Accordingtoasciencereport,thosewhoplayoftenatayoungagearemorelikelytobesuccessfulinthefuture.Forexample,theycanlearnalotthroughvariouskindsofsportssuchasfootball. 　　这几句话主要想论述'studentswhoareplayingatanearlyage'的好处.但是一个不知出处的report以及一个关于sports的有些宽泛的例子不能作为有说服力的论述.特别是举例,选择足够细节的例子比如足球,才能更有把握地拿到该部分的分数. 　　最后点评一句中式英文和一处逻辑问题：　　theymaygethumiliatedbytheolderstudentsforthereasonofsmallbodyfigure. 　　应该是为了表达被大孩子欺负　　修改后：Olderstudentsmaybullythemforthereasonthattheyareinferiortothemintermsofphysicalstrength. 　　Ontheonehand,playisnecessaryforachildaccordingtothesurvey.Ontheotherhand,ifstudentsstudyatayoungage,theywouldbeintimatedbytheolderstudents,whichcouldcausedevastatingresultstotheirmind. 　　分析：ontheonehand,ontheotherhand表示对比逻辑,常用于表达正反方观点之前. 　　If...,...would...这是典型的条件论证,应当紧跟论据,所以此处使用‘另一方面’不恰当. 　　P.S.由于个人因素,不能面面俱到的进行修改分析,但愿对你和其它人有点滴帮助.

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