第一段：Therehasbeenmuchdiscussionrevolvingaroundtheissueofwhetheruniversitiesshouldcultivatethegraduatesforemployerorjustfortheknowledgeownsake.AsfarasIamconcerned,Iaminfavoroftheformerview. 　　1.要先写引文,引出问题,你太突兀 　　2.thesisstatement不明了,要说下概括为什么你赞成 　　第二段：Therearereasonsforpeopletobelievethatuniversitiesshouldcultivatestudentsadapttotheworkplace.Firstofall,itseemsthatnurtureaspecialistwhoismoreusefultoanemployerislesstime-consumingandmoreeconomical.InChina,wehavethree-yeareducationwhichcalledjuniorcollegeeducation.Theuniversitiescangiveprioritytopracticeoftheknowledgeandskillwhichcompaniesneedmost.Asanexample,askilledworkermayspendjustthreeyearsratherthanfouryearsormoretobecomeausefulemployeetoafactorywithlesseducationfee.Moreimportantly,educateforemployercansubstantiallyboostemploymentstatusbyfosteringexactlywhatthecompanyneeds.AccordingtotheXinhuaagencyreportedin2004,theemploymentstatusofgraduateswhograduatedformjuniorcollegewas16percenthigherthantheundergraduateuniversities’student.Anevenmoresignificantfactorthatshouldbetakenintoaccountisitcanalsoincreasedproductivitybygraduates’professionalskillthatbetaughtinuniversityThatisimperativeincompetitivesociety. 　　1.将三个原因分成三段写更好,每段弄一个topicsentence,后面写好supportingmaterial,注意各段之间的衔接,以及段内的衔接和逻辑顺序 　　2.说明原因的顺序很重要,外国人喜欢从最重要到最不重要 　　第四段:Admittedly,itmaybelackingintheoreticalknowledge.However,wecancompensatethelackbycontinuationeducation. 　　1.反面的东西要么别写要写就向正面原因好好写 　　第五段：Onthebasisoftheabovefactors,myconclusionisthatuniversity’smainfunctionshouldbebenefittosocialdevelopmentbyprovidegraduatesemployableskills.Overall,Ifirmlybelievethatouruniversityeducationwillassumetheresponsibilityforthedevelopmentofmodernsociety. 　　1.两个句子一个意思嘛~不行! 　　2.最后一段要这么写：重申thesisstatement,首尾呼应,再可以提些建议或意见等,扩展一下,提高深度~ 　　我没看整篇文章,结构不好让我不想看内容,所以,先弄好logicalstructure,外国人很注重logic,千万注意~这种考试也是很八股的~ 　　等你弄好了structure我可以帮你看内容~哈哈 　　我的意见仅供参考~