请帮我的托福作文评分,再评论一下,说明有哪些地方需要改进?谢谢!

题目：

Intwentyyearstherewillbefewercarsinusethantherearetoday.

正文：

Itotallybelievethattherewon'tbeasmanycarsastherearetodayinuseinthefuture.

ThefirstseasonwhyIholdthisopinionisthatoursocietyisstartingtoencouragegreendevelopment.Asweallknow,humanhaspollutedourenvironmentgreatly.Wecutabundanttrees,pouringcontaminatedwaterintotheriverorsea,burningtoomuchfuelfortransportation,etc.Oneoftheterribleoutcomesiscommonlyknown---globalwarming.Theproblemissoseriousthatevenseveralinternationalmeetingswereheldtodealwithit.Infact,mostscholarswhohasstudiedglobalwarmingbelievethattransportationtools,suchascarsandtrucks,aretobeblameforreleasingalargeamountofcarbondioxideintotheair.Therefore,moreandmorepeopleappealthatweshoulduse"green"transportationtoolslikebicycles.

Besides,peoplearestartingtoalsopreferridingbicyclesorevengoingtoworkonfoot,ifnotlivingtoofarawaytheirworkplace,becausetheywanttoliveahealthierlife.Asthecompetitioninthesocietyintensifies,wespentmuchmoretimesittinginfrontofourdesksandworkingonthecomputer.Workoccupiesourtimefordoingexercise,makingourbodymuchmoredelicatethanbefore.Consequently,sinceanincreasingnumberofpeoplehaverealizedtheproblem,theyhavebeguntomakeusethecommutingtimetoexercisebyridingbicyclesandwalkingtotheoffice.

Insum,Ithinktheuseofcarsisnowreachingitspeak.Sincepeoplelaymoreemphasisonprotectingtheenvironmentandkeepinghealthy,itisverylikelythatfewercarswillapearinthestreatintwentyyears.Instead,otherenvironmentallyfriendlytransportationtoolslikebicyclesmayturnouttobepopularagain.