问题标题:
谁能帮忙批改下我的雅思作文Asaresultofindustrializationaroundtheglobe,citieshavebecomethecentresofhumanactivities.Lesspeoplearerequiredinagriculturalproductionandmoreareneededinfactoriesandcorporationswhichle
问题描述:

谁能帮忙批改下我的雅思作文

Asaresultofindustrializationaroundtheglobe,citieshavebecomethecentresofhumanactivities.Lesspeoplearerequiredinagriculturalproductionandmoreareneededinfactoriesandcorporationswhichleadstotheconstructionofcities.Despitethetrendofurbanization,someblamecitiesforinflictingharmonpeople'shealth,whichisanargumentthatIfullyagreewith.

Oneofthemostobviousproblemsthatcitieshaveispollution.Therearemultipalsourcesofit,includingcars,factoriesanddomesticactivities.Specifically,theyproducetoxicgas,solidandliquidewaste.Notonlyistheredisease-causingsubstanceintheatomospherethatcanbeinhaledbycitydwellers,therearealsopollutantsinwaterwhicharenotsoeasilyremoved.

Aswellasenvironmentalproblems,theurbanlifestyleisalsodetrimentaltopeople'sconditions,Thefastpaceoflivingbringsgreatstesstopeopleincities,whichcausesanxietiesandsometimesevenmentalillnesses.Furthermore,thelackofrestandrelaxationduetoconstantnoiseandshortsleepinghoursisdamagingtopeople'shealthstatuses.

Admittedly,citieshavewellconstructedfacilitiessuchashospitalswhichmakeitconvenientforurbanresidentstogetaccesstomedicalcare.However,livingincitiesstilldoesmoreharmthangoodtopeople'shealth.

Inconclusion,asthedownsideofurbanization,citiescauseharmtopeople'shealth,bothphysicallyandmentally.

陈明智回答:
  我觉得大概可以7.5吧~感觉雅思作文考官还有地域的因素也很大,每场考试的标准都有一点点不同,雅思救星是指这是一篇范文吗?那是不是都检查过语法错误了,如果没有语法错误我觉得这篇7.5是没问题吧~如果遇到好考官说不定能更高~   以上回答你满意么?
刘吉鹏回答:
  雅思救星什么东西?
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