恳请英语达人指点下我写的雅思作文,

Somepeoplethinkthatitisimportanttouseleisuretimeforactivatesthatimprovethemind,suchasreadinganddoingwordpuzzles.Otherpeoplefeelthatitisimportanttorestthemindduringleisuretime.

Discussboththeseviewsandgiveyouropinion.

回答：

Whetherleisuretimeshouldbeusedtoenhancethedevelopmentofmind,isacontroversialissuewhichhasbeendiscussedfordecades.Peopleholddivergentviewsforsuchissue,whilesomeindividualscontendthatleisureperiodisalsoconsideredtobetheoptimumoccasionforsomemindtrainingprogramssuchasreadingjournals,manyothersarguethathumanbrainneedsrest,thereforebreaktimemustbeusedformindrefreshment.

Thisessayattemptstoanalysisanddiscussesbothviewsandexpressesmypersonalopinions.

Therearenumerousreasonstoprovethatminddevelopmentisanon-goingprocessthroughouthumanlives,neverthelessthemajorreasonisthedisadvantageofthemajorityofmankind,whichisshortmemory.Excludingthosegenerouswhoaretheminorityofpopulation,itisnotdifficulttorealisethattheolderweare,theharderforustolearnnewknowledge.Thisisthecriticalreasonwhylearningspeedforeldersaremuchslowerthanjournivel.Thereforeinordertoavoidshortmemory,citizens,especiallyseniorcitizensshouldusetheirleisuretimeforcatchupsotheknowledgegapbetweenthemselvesandtheyoungwillnotexpendanyfurther.

Braindevelopmentisanon-goingprogram,howeveritisnottosaythatweoughttospendallofourleisuretimeforsuchpurpose.

Amachinewhichruns24hoursaday,7daysaweek,willdefinitelybeover-loadedandexploressomeday.Soashumanbrain.Itisnotuncommonthatourmindwillbe“over-loaded”ifweconcentrateonstudyingthroughoutaday.Asaresult,weattempttoforgetalmosteverythingwhichgainedformperviousdays.Toavoidthissituationhappens,breaktime,nomatterhowlongitis,hasbeenwildlyintroducedtobothworkplacesandschools.

Tosumup,bytakingintoaccountbothsidesoftheargument,Iamoftheopinionthatmaidtrainingprogramandrelaxationactivitiesarebothnecessaryduringpeople’sleisuretime.Onlythroughintegratingthoseprocesseswillhumanbrai