问题标题:
【雅思作文评改somepeoplebelievethatthereshouldbefixedpunishmentsforrachtypeofcrime.others,however,arguethatthecircumstancesofanindividualcrime,andthemotivationforcommittingit,shouldalwaysbetakenintoaccountwhendec】
问题描述:

雅思作文评改

somepeoplebelievethatthereshouldbefixedpunishmentsforrachtypeofcrime.others,however,arguethatthecircumstancesofanindividualcrime,andthemotivationforcommittingit,shouldalwaysbetakenintoaccountwhendecidingonthepunishment.

我的习作:

Thereisnounanimousconsensusyetonwhichwayissuperiortodealwithcrimewhetherusingonefixedpenaltyortakingthecircumstanceandthemotivationoftheoffendersintoaccount.

AsIseeit,thetypeofcrimeisboominginanincreasinglyspeedwiththeinternetandcyberspacehavealreadybecomeoneindisposablepartofeverycontemporaryindividuals'life.Asaresult,on-linefraud,asonenewtypeofcrimeisplayingamoreandmorepivotalroleinfuture'soffence.Consequently,onefixedpunishmentshoulebeputforthtocurbthepotentialproliferationofthemainstreamofthefuture'crime,i.e.thecrimeofthecyberspace.Futher,aslegilationisonemajorhandintermsofkeepingthepublic'ssecurityandthepreciouslife,onefixedlawisnotunnecessaryforeverynationsoftheworld.

However,asweallliveinademocraticandenlightenedsociety,moreandmorepeople,majorlyinthedevelopedcountriesincreasinglyconcernaboutthehumanityeventheoffenders'.Undeniably,circumstanceandmotivationsasanessencialfactorswhichmayluremantocommitacrimeincludingthebackgroudofthecriminals,suchaswhetherthecriminalswererearedbyasingle-parenthouseholds.Butnomatterhowsignificanttheseluremaybe,itjusthaveacertaineffectwhenverdicting.

So,lawisalwaysthelaw,itshouldbeobjectiveandbalancedtoshowitsauthority,whichcansometimesmakeitbealittlecallous.

望,批改,追加分数不在话下,

白竹川回答:
  第二小节中的increasingly应为increasinglity更佳,其他都不错,要对自己有信心!我是昂立的老师,给你一片我的学生的习作,希望对你有用.(修改过的)   Nowadays,oursocietyisexperiencingasevereissuethatishousingshortage.Someindividualsbelievethatonlygovernmentcanamelioratethisproblem.Personally,Iendorsethisopinionastherearetwomajorreasonsofit:   Firstofall,governmenthastherightsandpowertoamelioratethissituationasallthelandbelongstoitscountry,especiallyinChina.Therefore,governmentshouldcannibalizemoreplacestoconstructmoremansionsforcivilian’sliving.Tokyo,forinstance,isanover-crowdedmetropoliswherehasthelargestgroupofbuildingsinasmallareaandthemostthinbuildingintheworld.Asaresult,thoseareeffectiveapproachestosolvethisproblem,whichourgovernmentshouldmimic.   Thesecondreasonisthatonlygovernmenthastheabilitytoaddressit.Asweallknown,housingshortageresultsofotherissuessuchasoverpopulationanddiscrepancyofincome.Asforoverpopulation,apolicyoflimitationofbirthratewouldbethemostsensiblewaytocontrolit.Intermsofdiscrepancyofincome,developingtheeconomyandpromotingthetradeovertheworldaretheessentialelementstoenhancepeople’ssalaries,whichcanaffordtheexorbitantofhousingprice.Inthiscase,byaddressthesetworelatedissuesgovernmentwillimprovethesituationofhousingshortage.   Toconclude,housingshortageissevereissueinthecontemporarysociety.Onlyourgovernmenthasthepowerandabilitytosolveitbytakingactionsuchasdevelopingmorelandsandaddressingtherelatedissues.
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