问题标题:
雅思作文希望得到指导Somepeoplethinkthegovernmentsshouldacttodecidehowpeopleliveinordertomakeahealthierlife.Othersthinkindividualshoulddecidetheirownlifestyle.Whatdoyouconcernabout?Discussbothviews,andgiv
问题描述:

雅思作文希望得到指导

Somepeoplethinkthegovernmentsshouldacttodecidehowpeopleliveinordertomakeahealthierlife.Othersthinkindividualshoulddecidetheirownlifestyle.Whatdoyouconcernabout?Discussbothviews,andgiveyouropinion.

Whoshoulddecidetheresidents’lifestyle?Frommyperspective,itisindividuals’righttochoosewhatsortoflifetheytake.

Currently,thereexitstwomainthoughtsaboutwhomakedecisionsforourlives.Somepeopleconvincethatitisgovernment’sdutytodecideresidents’lifestylewhichicannotagreewitheventhoughithasanintentiontomakepeople’slifehealthier.Apparentlytherewouldnotbebenefitsforboththeauthoritiesandcitizenssincethegovernmentcanhardlygettoknowwhatanindividualprefermost,thereforethemoneyfromthegovernmentwouldbeinvestedinawrongwaywitharesultofadecreaseoflocaleconomy.Citizens,meanwhile,canalsogetseldomadvantagessincehecannotdowhatheisfondofandthen,asaconsequence,asenseofunsatisfyingwouldoccurwhichcanresultinmanynegativefactssuchasdislikingtowork,havingnopassionoflifeorcatchingemotionaldisease,etc.

Anothervoicethaticonsiderappropriateisthattherighttochoosealifemodelshouldbegiventoindividuals.Itisevidentlynoonehasadeeperunderstandingaboutaperson’spreferencecomparedwithhimselfandwhatdiffersfromthefirstviewisthatisisneedlessforthegovernmenttointegratethepublic’slifestyletherebysavingnomatterthemoneyorthetime.Thereasonisthatthereisnoneedtobuildavastnumberoffacilitieswhichhavenoattractionstothepublicwhichshouldbespentmuchmoneyandatleastseveralmonths.

Onbalance,isupportthatallthepeopleowetobepermittedtolivetheirownlives.Bydoingthis,themaximumoffreedomcanbedistributetothepublicandthenumberofconflictsbetweengovernmentsandcitizenswoulddecrease.

孙名松回答:
  总体来说,词汇和语法部分不错,程度很好。但是正文中,你支持观点那面写的较少,不够明确,不能完全支持的观点,同时让人感觉有些片面。反而在你反对的观点中,描述了太多的内容,而且太过详尽。由于你可能是计算时间在写,所以在第三段有些仓促了,希望以后在时间掌控上多做注意。
查看更多
作文推荐
热门作文推荐