问题标题:
【帮我给这篇TOEFL作文打下分吧Moreandmoreemployersareofferingtheiremployeestheoptiontotelecommute,thatis,tocarryouttheirworkfromhomeviatheInternetasopposedtoworkingintheoffice.Whydoyouthinkemployershavestarte】
问题描述:

帮我给这篇TOEFL作文打下分吧

Moreandmoreemployersareofferingtheiremployeestheoptiontotelecommute,thatis,tocarryouttheirworkfromhomeviatheInternetasopposedtoworkingintheoffice.Whydoyouthinkemployershavestartedtoprovidethisoption?Usespecificreasonsandexamplestosupportyouranswer.

Asweseenowadaysthewaysofworkingarebeingmoreandmoreoptionalandvarious.Employersareofferingtheiremployeestheoptionoftelecommute,sotheycancarryouttheirworkfromhomeviatheInternetinsteadofworkingintheoffice.Thepossiblereasonsforthisphenomenonareasfollows.

First,workingathomeviapersonalcomputerscanprovideofficerswithamorecomfortableandenjoyableenvironment.Homescanreleasepeople'sanxietyandstress.Becausepeoplewillfeelmuchbetterstayinginafamiliarandcloseenvironmentwithdelicioussnacksandfamilymembers.Sothey'llenablethemanoptimalcircumstancetostriveforcareer.Thus,officerscanimprovetheirefficiencyandworkwithapleasantmood.It'llbebeneficialfortheirassignments.

Secondofall,bringingworkhomewillhelpthemarrangetheirtimebetter.Maybewhenyougetadatewithyourgirlfriendoryou'vegottogotothehospitaltocareforyourrelatives,butyouhavetostayintheofficetofinishyourwork,thatwillbefrustratingandputoffyourpersonalthings.However,carryingoutyourworkfromhomewillavoidsuchsituations.Youcanchoosewheneveryouliketofinishitbeforethedeadline.Soyoucantacklebothyourprivatebusinessesandwork.

Thirdly,workingathomewillmakeyourworkeasiertofinish.Becauseyoumayneedsomespecificinformationormaterialrelatedtohelpfinishit.Butthey'renotavailableintheoffice.Soyoucanlookupthosefilesathomeorgoouttothelibrary.Workingathomewillprovideyouwithmoreflexiblewaysaboutsearchingforinformation.

What'smore,ascontemporarysocietiesarerapidlydeveloping,businessesforpeoplearegettingmoreandmorecomplicatedandtiring.Soemployeesmayhavetoworkintheofficeuntilverylateatnight.Thisleadthemtogohomeverylate.Especiallyforladies,itcan'tbesafeforthemtogohomealoneduringmidnightandtheymayalsodisturbtheirfamilymembers.Soworkingfromhomewil

倪茂林回答:
  看完了您的作文,我想给您提几个建议   1、格式问题.句号和下一个单词中间应该空一格,这样放在word里面看是没有语法问题的.否则看起来会比较拥挤,不舒服.   2、字数比较少.一般而言,托福的作文,越长,越容易得高分,这是因为文章的长度从一定程度上决定了文章的说服力.这就引到了第三点.   3、观点应该有事实细节支撑.每一个观点不能只是说理,应该举例.这样的话,也避免了文章过分干巴,字数也就上去了.   4、其实真正TOEFL写作考试的时候,是不会出现这样(what、why)的作文题的.考试出现的作文题无非两种:1、给出观点1和观点2,问你哪一种你赞同.2、给出观点1,问你是否赞同观点1.   总体而言这篇文章还是可以的,只是建议您能注意一下上面的那些问题.   我去年考的托福,作文是29分,您要是有兴趣可以联系我,咱们可以进一步探讨探讨哈~
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