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诚请雅思大牛帮我批改一下作文.题目:Universitiesshouldacceptequalnumbersofmaleandfemalestudentsineverysubject.:Incontemperorytime,manypeopleclaimthatuniversitiesshouldacceptequalnumbersofmaleandfemalestudent
问题描述:

诚请雅思大牛帮我批改一下作文.题目:Universitiesshouldacceptequalnumbersofmaleandfemale

studentsineverysubject.:

Incontemperorytime,manypeopleclaimthatuniversitiesshouldacceptequalnumbersofmaleandfemalestudent,whichmakesnosensetome.

Asthecompetitionisincreasinglystiff,educationcircumtenceisvitalforundergraduates.Anequalnumberofgirlsandboyswillhelpstudentsbuildingloverelationshipswhichinturndistractstheirattentioninstudy.Further,theratioofboystogirlsismostlydecidedbythecharacteristicoftheschool.Forexample,inmyschool,theratioofboystogirlsis7to3becauseofschool'sconcentrationonscienceandengineering.Bycontract,schools,whichhavetendencyinhumanitiescaneasilyattractmoregirlsthanboys.

otherswouldfindnumbersofboysandgirlsimportantcozmoststudentsattendcollegeintheirearlytwenties---anageoffirstlove.Spendingsomequalitytimewithapersonofoppsitesexseemstobeapersonalneed.Consequently,equalityofnumbersbetweenmalesandfemalesgivesstudentsaneasierwaytofindadate.Isitreallyneccesory?Intermsofage,whichinmyopnion,isalsoacrucialperiodtolearn.Aftergraduation,wearestillcapableoffindinglove,whileonthecontrary,wemayfindnotimetolearnfacedwithsociety.Thusthereisnopointinregulatingtheratioofmalestofemalesinschool.

Comparedwithratioofboystogirls,therearemanyotherfactorsthataremoreessentialtoaschool,suchasfacilities,teachersandthelike.Insteadofbotheringthosethatdonotmatter(e.g.ratio),weshouldworkonmoreimportantthings.

第一次练笔,感觉还是有很多不尽人意的地方.希望能够得到前辈们的点评,帮忙指正,谢谢

刘金松回答:
  总体不错,我挑点小毛病   第一段多加一句你自己的观点   第二段最好不用用数字!7要写seven   第三段coz这可是美式口语!请不要用简写,比如he‘s要写heis   最后,你要写一句你自己总结的话
刘金松回答:
  我不是專業的,給你估個5.5-6吧,邏輯是第一,文筆佔第二
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