问题标题:
【哪位大大帮我给这个sat作文评分并提提意见Assignment:Dopeopleachievemorebycooperationthancompetition.ESSAY:Itisundoubtedthatpeopleachievemorebyworkingtogetherthanjustworkasanindividual.iPhone,oneofthemostpopu】
问题描述:

哪位大大帮我给这个sat作文评分并提提意见

Assignment:Dopeopleachievemorebycooperationthancompetition.

ESSAY:

Itisundoubtedthatpeopleachievemorebyworkingtogetherthanjustworkasanindividual.iPhone,oneofthemostpopularsmartphonesinthemarket,isababy,raisedmyAppleInc.andmanycellphonenetworkoperatorsintheworld.“MadeinChina”isanotheroneofthebestdefinitionofachievingmorebycooperation.What’smore,AudibleInc.,apopularcompanysellsdigitalaudiobooksonline,insteadofjustrunningitsownonlinestore;itchosetoworkwithiTunesStoreinordertogetabiggersuccess.

IPhone,oneofthemostpopularsmartphonesinthemarket,isoneofthebestexamplesofachievingmorebycooperationratherthancompetition.InsteadofsellingitinAppleStoreONLY,Appleisworkingwithmanycellphonenetworkoperatorsintheworld.TakeAT&Tasanexample,whichistheoperatorthatAppleiscurrentlyworkingwithintheUS.ThecooperationnotonlybroughtApplealotofprofit,butalsobroughtmanynewcustomerstoAT&Taswell.

AsiPhoneisaverygoodexamplewhichclarifiedcooperationwillbringpeoplemorethancompetitioninthefieldoftechnology,“MadeinChina”isthebestonetoexemplifythistruthineconomy.Inthecontemporarysociety,thecooperationbetweendevelopedcountryanddevelopingcountryisratherimportantthaneverbefore.Theformeronedesignedmanyhigh-techproductswhichthelatteronecannot.Comparedwithworkingalone,developedcountriestrytocooperatewiththosedevelopingcountries,lettingthemproducethehigh-techproduceswithhighquality.Thisactionnotonlybroughtdevelopingcountriesmoreopportunities,butalsoincreasedtheirneedofjobs.

Now,thereisanotherverystrongexampletosupportthisideainDigitalPublishingIndustry.AudibleInc.,oneofthemostfamousonlineaudiobookssellersintheworld,didnotrunitsonlinestoretoselldigitalaudiobooksonly.ItchosetoworkwithiTunesStore,oneofthemostpopulardigitalmusicstoresrunbyAppleInc.,instead.Afterthecooperation,thesetwobellwethersoftheirownfieldsevenincreased20%ontheirenterpriseperformance.Thisisclearenoughtoshowthatcooperationwillletpeopleachievemorethancompetition.

杜汝彬回答:
  7-8分左右.观点和例证表述完整.语法基本正确.字数足够.(根据我的经验达到这三点就有8分了)   不足的是没有展开论述,例子占据了过多的篇幅,两个例子过于雷同.没有跳出托福作文(或雅思或新概念)的模式.第四段的第一句和第五段第一句基本上是多余的.   SAT考察的是思想的深度而不是论证一个题目的能力.要拿高分必须有辩证的观点和成熟的论述(最好要有层次),堆积例子并不能达到目的(更何况是这种很普通的例子).CB的阅卷官最希望看到的就是能打破常规来思考的文章.   不过话说回来,25分钟想都别想构思.拿到卷子就写也不一定能写够字数.8分对于大部分人来说都是够用的了.所以LZ不用太担心.但是一定要跳出现有的死板的写作模式
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