问题标题:
改雅思作文,Isschoolingmoreimportantthanparenting?Inthecontemporarysociety,education,toagreatextent,decidesone’sentirelife.Asweallknow,therearealltwoapproaches,fromwhicheveryoneofusreceiveeducation,namelyparentingan
问题描述:

改雅思作文,

Isschoolingmoreimportantthanparenting?

Inthecontemporarysociety,education,toagreatextent,decidesone’sentirelife.Asweallknow,therearealltwoapproaches,fromwhicheveryoneofusreceiveeducation,namelyparentingandschooling.Whilethisbecomesasubjectofhotdebate---doesschoolinghavemoreinfluenceonanindividual’swell-beingthanparenting?

Itmakesnosensetosaythatparentingisoflessimportanceincomparisontoschooling.Itmaybetruethatstudentswillnotacquireanyknowledgefrombooksathome.Butcertainlytheywilllearnsomethingsuchascourtesyordistinguishingfromrightandwrong,whichisnotcoveredinschoolmaterials.Infact,childrenbeingintheirimpressionableagetendtochangetheirmindswithsurroundings,andthesignificanceofhomeschoolingtherebyappearstobeconspicuous,forinstance,educatingchildrentokeepawayfromobsceneorpotentiallydamagingprints.

Admittedly,schoolisthepalacewherestudentscanacquirespecializedknowledgeandskills,andtheseknowledgeandskillsservingone’sjobmakehisorhermorecompetitiveintheworkplace.Nevertheless,thetruthisthattherearenumerousilliteratepeoplewhoarestillcapableofmakinggoodlivingwithoutknowinganyexpertise.Theirsurvivalisbynomeansfortunate,butisunderpinnedbytheircourtesy,discriminatingbetweenrightandwrong,etc.---partiallyattributedtoparenting.

Inconclusion,Ibelievethattheimportanceofparentingoutweighsthatofschooling.Therefore,Isuggestthatparentsshouldspendmoretimewiththeirchildreninattemptingtoteachthemthevaluesystemsharedbythewholesociety.

彭雄宏回答:
  扫了一眼,写得不错的.如果要改,找老师去,网上打字说不清楚的.   我看了下,高分的几个因素都具备的,但里面的复杂句,是为了用从句而从句,很生硬的英文,这个自己体会.看下来是一篇不错文章的.
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