本人写了一篇雅思的作文,请高手批改下,最好给出建议...THENUMBEROFPEOPLELIVESBYTHEMSELVESINCREASEDRAPIDLYPOSITIVEORNEGATIVEFORSOCIETY?Aphenomenonhassprungup-increasinglypersonchooselivebythemselvesinthepas|小学作文问答-字典翻译问答网

问题标题：

本人写了一篇雅思的作文,请高手批改下,最好给出建议...THENUMBEROFPEOPLELIVESBYTHEMSELVESINCREASEDRAPIDLYPOSITIVEORNEGATIVEFORSOCIETY?Aphenomenonhassprungup-increasinglypersonchooselivebythemselvesinthepas

问题描述：

本人写了一篇雅思的作文,请高手批改下,最好给出建议...

THENUMBEROFPEOPLELIVESBYTHEMSELVESINCREASEDRAPIDLYPOSITIVEORNEGATIVEFORSOCIETY?

Aphenomenonhassprungup-increasinglypersonchooselivebythemselvesinthepastyears.Whetherthisappearancewasthecauseofeconomicdevelopmentandgenderequality.Takewomenforexample,theycangotoworkandcompetitionwithmen.Thereareindependateeconomicthattheychooselivebythemselves.

Peoplelivesaloneadapttothesocietydevelopment.Firstly,peoplealonehavemoretimeandenergytowork.Becausetheycan'ttieddownbyhouseholdchores.Secondly,increasesalesofgoods.Forinstance,onepeopleneedanoperablemachineequaltotwopeopletogetherdemands,liketelevisionandwashingmachine.

Ontheotherhand,itisobviousthatpeoplelivesbythemselveshavealotofproblemsthanlivewithothers.Tostartwithpeopledrivecarsbythemselvescaneasilymaketrafficcongestion.Therefore,ifareundertheinfluenceoftrafficjams,itiscontrolledpeople'sworkproductive.Morever,thecityhavenoenoughplacetolive,likeHongkong.Specificall,peoplehavemoneybutnohouse.Lastly,itseemsthatthepeopleliveamorestressfullifebythemselvesthatthepeopleliveothers.Thecompetitionisincreasinglystiff,whichmakesmanypeoplecoldandcruel.

ThisphenomenonisfamilarinEuropeancountry.Europeangovermentpromotegetmarriedandchildbelaring.Becausemanpowerisnotenough.InChina,thegovermentmakelawsandpromotepeoplecarpoolingtoreducetrafficcongestion.

Insum,severalfactorscontributetothenumberofpeoplelivesbythemselves.Iamconvincedthatweshouldtakeeffectivesteps,includingmakelawstoalleviatethismodern-dayproblem.

马文平回答：

　　平行结构用and连接的时候,要注意结构平行,形式平行,功能平行· 　　如：theycangotoworkandcompetitionwithmen 　　competition是名词,后面怎么跟了介词? 　　前面是goto动词结构用and连接,必须也是动词结构的~if引导的条件虚拟,后面的主句呢?一个句子没有主句怎么行呢? 　　ifareundertheinfluenceoftrafficjams,itiscontrolledpeople'sworkproductive.Morever,thecityhavenoenoughplacetolive,likeHongkong. 　　like不能做列举的意思,只能是放在句子首位表示比较,或者用于动词喜欢,列举书面语用suchas~ifareunder?主语是什么?ifareundertheinfluenceoftrafficjams,itiscontrolledpeople'sworkproductive.整篇句子没有主语,而且it如果是做形式主语,真正的主语应该是后面的,人们的工作效率如果是做主语, 　　Thisphenomenon和从句的逻辑主语不协调啊~逻辑错误~用the是最好的,promotegetmarriedandchildbelaring平行结构错了,法律最好使用establish~ 　　Iamconvincedthat你想用的是宾语从句吧,但是这个貌似是表语从句哦,am去掉~从句用should?你想说虚拟语气,convinced不好用虚拟吧,表示建议愿望的虚拟语气,省略should直接加V原型的,should在书面语中最好用于情态动词哦~this这个代词不可以指代全部的,很模糊哦~make的用法好好看看吧~makedo我记得~也不敢确定哈~ 　　看看语法吧,句子结构什么的~要是有空就看看词吧~用词不准确可以原谅的,老外受不了咱们说的没有逻辑~