问题标题:
帮忙再再看一篇雅思作文Topic:Somepeoplethinkthatexaminationshavesomebadeffectsonbothstudentsandteachers.Somepeoplesaytheyhavegoodeffectsoneducation.Whatisyouropiniom?Asahottopicofeducationalproblem,examination
问题描述:

帮忙再再看一篇雅思作文

Topic:Somepeoplethinkthatexaminationshavesomebadeffectsonbothstudentsandteachers.Somepeoplesaytheyhavegoodeffectsoneducation.Whatisyouropiniom?

Asahottopicofeducationalproblem,examinationhasbenndiscussedforsomanyyears.Wecanhearnewsabouttwosidesoftheexaminationfeomradioandreadthesimilarnewsonthenewspaper.Withtimepass,thistopicisbecomingmoreandmoreprevalent.Theconclusionwillnotshowtheultimateresultinarelativelyshorttime.

Somepeoplethinkthatexaminationshavenegativeinfluencesonbothstudentsandteachers.Theysuggestthegovernmenttoabolishtheexaminationsystemwhichusedastheonlycriteriontoappraiseastudentandreplaceitwithanothereffectivemeasurement.Examinationsarenothingbutdistortingthemeanofeducation.Undertheonlyidexofassessment,studentshavetolearnfortestskillsinsteadofknowledgeandteatheralsofocusonscoresoftheirstudentsratherthanthestudentsthemselves.Basedonthisinmeritofexamination,thosepeopleopposeitsrongly.

Nevertheless,thepeopleholdadverseopinionbelievethatexaminationhaveitsadvantage.Theytreattheexaminationsystemasanefficientwaytodecidewhetherthestudentlearnedwellornot.Withthisstandard,studentshavetopreformhardinthemosttimeofatermtogetanappropriateachievement.Teacherswillalsodotheirbesttohelpthemreachtheiraimings.Theteahcingqualitywillincreaseandthenformingapositivecirculation.

Bycomparingthetowabove-mentionedviews,Isupportthesecondopinion.Thoughexaminationscausealotofdiscontents,theyarethemostsimpleandeffectiveapproachtoassessstudentsbynow.

米伟回答:
  额,感觉楼主基本功不扎实.   首先雅思作文的最基本结构还是有的,但是逻辑衔接不是很流畅,特别是句子之间一些连接词的使用;   其次看得出来楼主想用一些academic的词,但是并没有掌握一些词的精确意思和用法,而且有一些表达是比较chinglish的.   最后就是语法问题不少.   建议就是楼主应该多看一些nativespeaker写的文章,特别是academic的文章,然后多练习.   个人意见,仅供参考.   考过3次雅思的菜鸟上.
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