Someyoungstersareencouragedtoworkortravelforayearbetweentheir(their,不能用they,用their,或直接不用)finishinghighschoolandbeginninguniversitystudiesinsomecountriesnowadays. 　　Thereisstillaboneofcontentionabout（去掉that,因为后面跟着的不是一个完整的句子)whetherthebenefitsofthisactivityoutweigh（这里不用现在时,用一般现在时就可以)thedrawbacks.Inmyopinion(或者说：AsfarasI'mconcerned),thereisnowaytotestifywhetherthisresolution(决议）isbeneficialtotheyoungpeople.优点多于缺点,这样的说法很少见,太中国式的表达了,我改一下,句式也改了,更地道. 　　Undoubtedly,(youngpeoplegotoworkorhaveatravelbeforetheyentertheuniversityisagoodspecialeducationinthemodernlife既然is是谓语,主语里面还夹杂了动词go,have,所以要改).It'saspecialexperienceforyoungpeopletoworkortravelbeforetheyentertheuniversity.Asweknow,withthedevelopmentofpeople’slivingstandard(level去掉,生活水平,就是livingstandard),(注意,我把the改成了an)anincreasingnumberofyoutharespoiledtotheextentthat(以致.原来的句式很有问题)theseyoungpeopolehavenoabilitytodistinguishrightorwronginsociety.Inaway(在某种程度上,未见过insomeextent）,universityisasocietyinminiature.Itisquiteunfamiliartoyoungpeople.Undersuchcircumstance,parentsshouldencourageyoungsterstoworkortravelafterfinishingtheirhighschoolstudies,whichcouldhelp(helpsb.dosth)themnotonlygainsocialexperienceasmuchaspossiblebutalsopreparethemselves(不是them,要用自反代词,因为是他们自己准备）forthefuture.Moreover,students’visioncanbeexpandedbyhavingatravelorgoingtoworkaftergraduationofhighschool.Inaddition,thisapproachcontributestoyoungpeople’sphysical,mentalandemotionaldevelopment. 　　However,(表示折转,因为下面讲的是反方意见）somepeoplebelievethattheweaknessesofthisactionovertakesitsbenefits（为啥用现在时?areovertakingbenefits）.Scientificresearchdemonstratesthattheteenagerperiodisthebesttimeforstudy.Hence,theyshouldnotwastethepreciousandlimitedtimein(wastetimeindoingsth.固定搭配）workingortravelling.Theyshouldgototheuniversitydirectlyaftertheygraduate（不用被动句）fromhighschool. 　　Giventhosearguments(单复数注意）,it’sreasonabletoconcludethatencouragementofyoungpeople（年轻人的鼓励?你想表达的是对年轻人的鼓励吧,所以要改成：it’sreasonabletoconcludethatencouragingyoungpeopletoworkortravelbetweenfulfillinghighschoolstudiesandbeginningfurthereducationisa双刃剑是double-edgedsword.(It’scannotidentifywhetherit’srightornot.这是个错句,is和cannot不能连用)It'shardtoforeseeitisrightornot. 　　但我觉得作文你一般要给个肯定意见,不能模棱两口.作者你再考虑考虑